Today will be a good day

2 and a half months!

The babies are growing like sweet little weeds!  River is over 10 lbs already and Wren is close behind with 9 lbs and they are a moving and a shaking!!  Wren is bound to be rolling over soon, she loves to kick her feet and flail her arms and when she's laying on her back she attempts back bends! River loves to do push ups, he is so strong and has come so far from the small little baby in the "box" in the NICU!
They are both smiling away now, which makes the harder days so much better.  Wren is in love with her dad-I think because he has a goofy energy just like she does.  River loves to just gaze into your eyes and if you aren't paying attention, he will make a sweet little noise and then you look over and he is smiling away!!
His umbilical hernia was checked out and he will not need to have surgery, which is such a relief.  The next appointment he has is for his heart murmur and we are hoping that it will prove to also not be a big deal...finger's crossed!!

I will say that I am in good spirits today after a tremendously hard week.  The babies, Stella and Scott all got sick the last couple of weeks.  Stella had a fever and sore throat and stuffy nose-but of course still was climbing trees, skating on the make shift pond and building snowmen at 5:30 in the morning.  Scott, who never goes to the docs, had to take several half days from the farm and finally went to the doctor and got medicine for a double ear infection and sinus infection.  The babies are so stuffy and have small coughs.  This is making their need for me tremendous and their lack of sleep is mounting!!  They have been miserable unless and sometimes even though, I hold them.  They also want to nurse all day long, which then means that Wren is then puking it up all day because her belly can't hold it all.
On top of it they were not falling on the same schedule which meant that I was on all day and all night long and so my spirits quickly tumbled as well as my physical strength.

I feel like I am falling into that time where you don't really have a newborn anymore, but you don't have a baby that is able to entertain his/herself.  I remember this from when Stella was little.  She wasn't able to hold herself in a seated position, nothing kept her focus for long, she wanted me to hold her all the time to explore the world, but was quite a bit heavier than her first few weeks.  Then the sleeping was not good at night on top of it...now multiply that times 2!!  Two babies is hard!!!  I was feeling all super mom like until this last week hit and then I was plummeted back down into questioning everything and feeling quite defeated.

Friday I texted Scott and said, "everyone's pissy and crying in this house so enter at your own risk and there's no more pissy people invited."  This was after I had felt like I neglected Stella the entire snow day and longed to get out and play in the snow with her.  Instead I was fighting back the tears as my babies were crying for a couple hours trying to get comfortable enough to sleep, but just not being able to.  I finally resorted to even trying pacifiers and when they happily sucked on them for a couple minutes I burst into tears feeling like a failure of a mother.  I have a strange aversion to pacifiers...mostly because I don't like thinking that I can't do it all, but also because I see people use them as soon as a baby makes a tiny noise to quiet them, I see toddlers walking around with them while they are happily playing and not needing them etc, etc...Well, my babes have been having a strong need to suck on things and was either my breasts or my fingers and I can tell you how lonely and boring it can be after a couple hours of maneuvering the babes into some sort of comfy position for them while I twist and turn my hands to put a pinky finger in each one's mouth...so I had to try the pacifiers sadly.

I am so thankful that my mom was able to come this weekend to help me out and even more so to get me out!!  It was so great to have another set of hands to help with the fussy times and we were able to explore one of the local beaches which was amazing!!  We each strapped a babe in an Ergo Carrier and wandered in the sand looking for sand dollars and shells and longing for the summer days when we will camp out on the beach all day and have picnic suppers while all the kids play!

I also was able to get out alone with Scott.  Granted, the whole idea of taking him to an early supper date on Saturday didn't work out because he ended up having to go into the farm, we did get out together with no kiddos.  We only went to Babies R Us to get some much needed stuff and to Starbucks to bring my mom's reward of a cookie and coffee to her.  We also didn't say really anything the whole time, except slinging an occasional swear at the fellow drivers.  Of course, me being a nervous nelly started wondering what does this mean?  Do we not have anything to say to each other, why aren't we holding hands and longingly looking at each other as we talk about our future and how bright it is because we have one another....no we said nothing and barely held hands...that's new parenting for you I guess.  It is not like the fairy tale books or the perfect pictures that are put up on silly Facebook or Instagram of smiling families, happy kids, perfect weather, perfect clothes etc....those are mere snapshots of the whole picture.  Those are "quick let's get this captured"...and then the pouting/crying/melting down begins again or you just return to your regular, sometimes mundane routine.

River and Wren meet the girls!

I have vowed, from the wise words of my mom who raised 3 kids, to get out more.  So far this week we have taken many a stroller ride, took Stella and Scott to the beach, had the babes meet the cows at the farm and got a coffee with my hubby while strolling the babes through town.  It feels good that the weather is slowly cooperating and Spring really feels to be around the corner!  What a difference that will make.  The babies will keep growing and changing just as our own backyard will.  I am excited for all the new things to come with experiencing another new season here at the farm and watching my babies grow!!